Relationship jokes

What do you call lesbian twins?

Lick-A-Likes.

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: They have no one to call "daddy."

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

Why do most orphans become prostitutes?...

'Cause they need to find someone to call DADDY.

What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

What do orphans call a selfie?

A family photo.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it had its ion someone else.

My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.

What's another name for an Incel? A feminist.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~