Relationship jokes

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

Me: But Billy's with her right now.

Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

A: Will you marrow me?

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.

Like if you wanna have sex.

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.

My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it had its ion someone else.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: They have no one to call "daddy."

What's another name for an Incel? A feminist.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.