Relationship jokes

Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.

Dr. Seuss dark jokes.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...

So I threw a carrot at her.

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

A bully chokes me. I simply say, "Joke's on you, I like being choked!"

Why do orphans not like jokes?

Because they hate your "mom" and "dad" joke because they miss their parents. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.

You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

"I love you 😘" was the night you got a iiooooo.

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.