Relationship jokes
I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
Q: What happens when emos make out?
A: They don't; they just hang out.
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
My face when one of the boys gets off for his girl
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his ass.
Why go across town when you can go across the hall?
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.
Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
Yo mama so stupid, she raised you.
A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because they hate how he cares about family.
Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!
Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."