Relationship jokes

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

I love telling jokes about orphans. I mean, what are they going to do about it? Tell their parents?

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.

What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?

Nothing, he doesn't have any.

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.

Why do orphans love chips?

Because they're all family sized.

I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because they hate how he cares about family.

Why can’t an orphan be gay?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!

Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

Yo mama so stupid, she raised you.

I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...

Gf: Hi.

Bf: Hi.

Gf: Did you eat yet?

Bf: Did you eat yet?

Gf: Are you copying me?

Bf: Are you coping me??

Gf: I love you.

Bf: Yeah, I ate already.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be single than be with someone like you.

Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Fuck you you rwind my life.