Relationship jokes

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because they hate how he cares about family.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Q: What happens when emos make out?

A: They don't; they just hang out.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.

Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...

Why go across town when you can go across the hall?

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his ass.

Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!

Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.

I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...

Gf: Hi.

Bf: Hi.

Gf: Did you eat yet?

Bf: Did you eat yet?

Gf: Are you copying me?

Bf: Are you coping me??

Gf: I love you.

Bf: Yeah, I ate already.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be single than be with someone like you.

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Fuck you you rwind my life.

You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.