Relationship jokes
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and went right.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What’s the difference between rap lovers and the Gigachad?
Rap lovers get more pussy.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it!
(Shit joke, I know.)
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."