I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
What's a brother and sister from Alabama's favorite sex position?
The cowgirl.
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
