Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
What's a brother and sister from Alabama's favorite sex position?
The cowgirl.
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.
The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
