A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.
People love you.
Don't die.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
I just want to say this...
You have NO maidens, (Explosion) No homies, (ExPlOsIoN) And no—please don’t say it! Rizz 😎 (EXPLOSION)
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!
Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
