Relationship Jokes

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

A couple is on their first date.

Man: How do you feel about sex?

Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

How do you know you’re ugly?

If you always get handed the camera for group photos.

I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.