Puns

If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?

Cao ni man sha bi lalla shabi.

A pun enters the room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.

There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.

1-2-..... and he left without a trace.

I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.

What do you call a pen with no head?

DeCAPitated.

A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!

That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.

Titanic jokes sink in. Pun intended.

What's grey and can't fly?

A parking lot.

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.

Do you need an ark?

Because I Noah guy!

What do we want? Plane noises!

When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!

A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.

Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”

Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?

Sans: Measuring your patience.

Papyrus: Grunts