Puns
Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.
What do you call a fruit's penis?
A percock.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
Let me tell you a pun. Never mind, it's tearable.
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"
I went to the store, and yeah...
What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?
"I think you're overreacting."
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
Balls in your jaws.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Guess what's "tiiiimmeeeee ABDE?"
....yes, it is "long time no see."
Is your body from McDonald's, because I'm loving it?
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
It's the Olympics.
Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.
I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
So I was walking.
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.