Puns
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!
Happiness.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
My teacher: Time can't count.
Me: Every second counts.
My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!
A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
"Fish, why you no fly?"
"I don't like being caught naked."
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
Mooning is very astrological!
Why does Trump build a wall?
There’s such a thing as a ladder.
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
MooMooMooMoo
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?