Puns

My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.

So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D

I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.

There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?

There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?

I have a friend named Mole.

She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...

What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?

Shell shock!

A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."

What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.

What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?

People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.

I was watching T-Series and I thought to myself, "Man, this sucks!" My sister watches James Charles, and he always says, "That's T-Series." So is it him? SUB TO PEWDIEPIE! UNSUB TO T-SERIES! THEY SUCK!

What do you call a duck with no head?

Your mom gay.

Suck my ass, guys!

I always talk to my taco before I eat it.

One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!

I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"

A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles.

"Ah, eagles," said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.

I impaled my son with a pitchfork...

He looks very sharp.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"

Puns, that's how I roll.

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.