Puns

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.

What do you call chill legumes?

Hippeas.

I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.

My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

Impossible? I’m very possible, really!

How do cows say "oof?"

They say, "MOOf."

Get confused with Confucius!

Knock knock. Who's there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don't open the door?

I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

You cat to be kitten me right meow!

I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!

What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?

A corn stalk!

Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.

What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?

The no-bell prize.

Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.