Puns
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.
I had to fix his collarbone.
Which category is glory in?
Cats.
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
Why did the car fall asleep?
Because he was too tired.
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
French fries don't come from France; they come from Greece.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
What do you call a black hole?
Butt hole.