Puns
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
Why did the car fall asleep?
Because he was too tired.
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
French fries don't come from France; they come from Greece.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
What do you call a black hole?
Butt hole.