Puns
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.
I had to fix his collarbone.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
Why did the car fall asleep?
Because he was too tired.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
French fries don't come from France; they come from Greece.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.