Puns

I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.

Friend: "Your jokes are too short."

Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."

Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."

Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."

Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)

DON’T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED SETTLERS OF CATAN!

“Wheat is going on?” I asked my godmother. She replied “Godson, I really don’t know, but could you please get me some m-ore Shloer?”

“Ok, I’ll sheep if there’s any in the fridge!”

I searched up hornets and then said that it will leave a sting.

How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi.

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

What did one bear reply to his bad pun?

"Bear with me!"

What starts with "P" and ends with "E" and has a million letters?

Post Office.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"

Have you heard the joke about the paper?

Never mind, it's tear-able.

I have a joke about construction. I'm still working on it.

Guys, I'm sorry about these bad puns. I should've kept my big Meowth shut.

Armless child: Can you give me a hand??

Me: Ok.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)

Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.

What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?

A juice box...

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Who.

Who who.

You sound like an owl.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!