Punch jokes

When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?

When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.

If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Yo mama's such a milf, she deserves a tongue punch in the fart box.

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.

Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."

What do you call a funny drink?

Punch!

What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.

I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.

Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.

Today there was a line to punch me.

Yeah, that was the punch line.