My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.
Roses are red, I reload fast...
I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.
Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.
Your mamma is so fat that she has a gravitational pull.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
Your hairline was playing Sorry!
Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.
*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"
*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
