Lift jokes
You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
Yo mama so fat and old, she lifted her boob to wash under it, and a pilgrim fell from under it.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.
The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.
I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because there was only a stairway to heaven and no lifts.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!