President jokes
Trevor Bauer for President.
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.
Joe Biden
Why can't Biden play chess?
Because he doesn't have the towers.
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.