What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
Pregnancy Jokes
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.
Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.
Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.
Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
