Pregnancy jokes

Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!

In Boston we say,

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣

Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.

Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.

Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.

Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.

Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."

Baby: "Lmao, same"

Mamma mia abortion clinic!

Your loss is our sauce.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.

I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.

What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.

Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.

Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.