Pregnancy jokes
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
In Boston we say,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
Mamma mia abortion clinic!
Your loss is our sauce.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.