Pregnancy jokes
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
In Boston we say,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.