Pregnancy jokes

What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?

God fucked her.

What [is] another name for an abortion?

Canceling your delivery.

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in a different box.

What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?

The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.

My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

Guy 1: How far are we going?

Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.