Pregnancy jokes
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.