Pregnancy jokes
What's dumb?
The Fetus Deletus joke!
Fucking hate that joke....
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Mom, I’m pregnant.
Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.