Policy jokes

I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.

Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

What is the biggest lie ever?

"I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions."

Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:

"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."

A man walks into a library.

Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"

Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"

Suicidal Man: ...

Librarian: ...

The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

What are American schools?

Shooting ranges.

Politics.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week. She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.

What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?

Death.

Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.

What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?

Guns only have one trigger.

What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump?

One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets.

What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump?

It just doesn't work...

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

Gun control...

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.