Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.
She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
What is the biggest lie ever? I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
Gun control...
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
Politics.
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
