Place jokes
Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".
Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?
The maternity ward.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.
Part 1
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
Where is the wall's favorite place to meet his friends?
Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?
Beth-la-ham
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
Why do orphans love tennis?
Because it is the only place they can get love.