Place jokes

I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.

If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."

All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?

Must be lots of drunks there.

Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?

So they have a place to hang the air freshener.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Why was Sonic fast?

To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.

This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?

Their place.