Place jokes

What is a gay person's favorite fast food place?

Jack(off) in the Box.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

Why are modern women trash?

Because back in the day, a woman knew her place.

I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.

If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."

All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?

Must be lots of drunks there.

Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?

So they have a place to hang the air freshener.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Why was Sonic fast?

To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.

This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!