Pirate jokes
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye, matey!
Where did the pirate pay his taxes?
Aye, Argh, Sea.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
What's a pirate's favorite shop?
Arrrrrrrrgos.
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Did you know they made a porn site for pirates?
It's called Heavy Arrrrrrg.
What do you call a rapper who's also a pirate?
Captain Rhyme.
Do you play Sea of Thieves? See if these balls fit in your mouth, gotteeeem!
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”