Pirate Jokes

Puns

CoolGirl
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

Seagull

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Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

Priest

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What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back

Shower

Last Hope For Funny Jokes
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Why don't pirates take a shower before walking the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

Nut

Anonymous
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A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?" The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

Movie

Steve gamer
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Why the boy couldn't go see the pirate movie? Because it was rated ARRRR.

Movie

R.....ed Cow
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How do pirates like their movies?

You already know the answer, don't you?

Well... ARRRR rated! Huh huh huh...

Ear

Anonymous
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How much do pirate earrings cost? 🤔 Answer: a buck an ear. 🤣

Sailor

Anonymous
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3.14% of sailors are pirates.

Football

Fred
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Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?

The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.

Letter

me
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why didn't the pirate right a letter to his mom

R u kidding me??!?!

Die

Kmitar
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Why did Stephen Hawking die? He piratized GTA VI Hindi No Virus 2022

Seriousness

Anonymous
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What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?

one isn't that of a thief while the other is as serious as fuck

Lunch

Elijah Jackson
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Why did the 2 4s skip lunch they already 8 jahshshs and how did the pirate new that she saw land she was sure of it if u get it leave a like Hahahahaha and which thing was heaver a feather or steal its they way the same amount 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 Lol like

Ball

Anonymous
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A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says "what the hell is that?". The pirate said "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!".

Pirate

Anonymous
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pirate

Stupid jokes

incredible guy
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One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house. I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games." Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.

Shooting

A PIRATE WALKS INTO A BAR
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A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attatched to his nutty wuttys. Its driving me nuts! A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says problem??