30+ Nautical Jokes

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.

The bartender asks him why.

And the pirate says:

"Argh, It's driving me nuts."

A pirate walked into a bar with his ship's steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, "Hey! What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate says, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.

What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.

What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS Arrrrr.

How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

A buccaneer.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.

Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.

Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?

Because he was standing on the deck!

Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?

Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.

A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".

Why are pirates pirates?

Because they're Arrrrrrrggghhh!!!

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye, matey!

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."