Personal jokes
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
I was watching The Conjuring with an emo person. She said she likes the part where the girl was hanging. I said, "Why? Because you wish it were you?"
@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
What do you call a person who measures air? Airometer.
Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
What do you call an Indian?
Person in red. Cart a pack of Maltesers.
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
This person ( :I ) It wasn't meant to be a joke; it was just to make space like your mother's ass in space because it's so big.
What do you call a disabled person that can walk?
Enabled.
What was the name of the person who was mean?
The Canabully.
You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?
The reason why you have a high pitched voice is because you always sing opera.
Who is this Gwen person?
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.