Personal jokes
Depressed person: *chokes on food* *involuntary coughs untill they can breathe* "AWWW I failed the race!!"
Why did the suicidal person cross the road?
To slow down traffic!
Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"
Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"
Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"
Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"
The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in the military?
Special Forces.
Q. What movie is a fat person most afraid of?
A. The Hunger Games.
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.
Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
What is a black person's least favorite word game?
Hangman.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.