An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s chips not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope…

Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, “Hello,” as if the psycho will answer, “Hey, what’s up, I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.

what turns red, blue then white? the last person that I’d strangle

Snow everywhere, it’s Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

Murder is the same as suicide except the other person is doing it for you

how does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

If a person shoot’s a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful or is it murder?

why did the depressed person cross the road.

to get ran over.

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore.

Person: why’d you stop?

Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None you are both dead on the inside.

Did you here about the person who invented the door knocker?

He won a no-bell prize.

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