Personal jokes
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
Why did the depressed person cross the road?
To get run over.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
Normal person: "I'm perfect!"
Goth person: "Nobody is."
This is the true worst joke ever:
What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?
Hi!
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.