I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
Why did the depressed person cross the road?
To get run over.
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
