An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s chips not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.

Snow everywhere, it’s Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.

Rules of Dark humor:

  1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
  2. No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
  3. Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
  • Sincerely, Zane

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, “Hello,” as if the psycho will answer, “Hey, what’s up, I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.

what turns red, blue then white? the last person that I’d strangle

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope…

If a person in a wheel chair runs you over, can you call it a Hit and Can´t Run

how does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

If a person shoot’s a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful or is it murder?

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ¨You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?¨ The Cuban simply says, ¨See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap.¨ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Oh, OK.¨

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ¨You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?¨ The Russian simply states, ¨See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap.¨ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Ah, yes! Of course.¨

The American scratches his head and goes, ¨I think I see the pattern here.¨ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!¨

Murder is the same as suicide except the other person is doing it for you

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None you are both dead on the inside.

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

Did you here about the person who invented the door knocker?

He won a no-bell prize.

What’s an emo person’s least favorite game??? Cut The Rope.

the gayest person in the world is pacman. you can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

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