Personal jokes
What's the depressed person's favorite song?
Van Halen - Jump
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.
What's the difference between a Black person and a White person?
One has a dad, while the other searches.
What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?
He didn't open it yet.
Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?
Random person: I don't know.
No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!
Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.
Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*
Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^
Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*
Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
What do you call a transgender person in a wheelchair?
An Autobot.
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
Person: Guess what?
Other person: What?
Person: Chicken butt!
What do you call a black person?
Dark humor.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"