Personal Jokes

in Depression

What do my cloths and a depressed person not have in common?

My cloths don’t hang themselves…


you can’t say hitler was a bad person he did kill hitler after all

in Blind Person

Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

She didn’t see anything wrong with it

Big man John
in Puns

Person: I broke my arm in three places

Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.

in Andrew

Person 1: hi i am tom… and you ? person 2: andrew ?


Person: ‘Doctor, doctor I’ve only got 50 seconds to live’

Doctor: ‘Just give me a minute’

in Human Being

Leo: Mother, what is an idiot. Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn’t understand. Mother: Do you understand. Leo: No.

Juan MooreBeer
in Blind Person

What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand??? “Hello Ladies”"


A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

in Animal

I would never kill an animal. I’m more of a people person.

in Puns

What do you call a person with no body and no nose “no body nose”

in Roast

Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex Oh were you talking to me I thought you only talked behind my back Hold still I am trying to imagine you with a personality

in Depression

What do u call a depressed person


in Blind Person

What a Blind Man says when he passes the fish market?..Hello Ladies!

in Ball

why did the ball person go to the docter

He was kicked in the balls


My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone’s breathing masks to laughing gas.


Whats black, white, and red all over? a penguin in a blender

Whats all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender

in Spiderman

Whats the similarities between spiderman and a homeless person

They both have no way home!

in Blind Person

WHAT is a blind persons favorite color? Black


There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.