Personal jokes

Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?

A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

Person: Why? You: No.

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.

Most foresters have a wooden personality.

What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?

Klaustrophobic.

Yo man, stand up.

*short person stands*

No, seriously man, stand up!

What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.

Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".

Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.

What's a person with Down syndrome's favorite detergent?

Downy.

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

Teacher: Take a seat, class.

Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.

Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.

Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!

What's a knife's favorite person?

The victim.