Personal jokes
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person: Why?
Me: Because he wanted to.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
When a white person says the n word,
black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
This person has Down syndrome.
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender? Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.
By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.
I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.
During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.
Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
What do you call a Black person flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!