Personal jokes
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.