Personal jokes
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What's a person with Down syndrome's favorite detergent?
Downy.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
Knock knock.
Me, a person: Who's there?
A: Deez nuts!
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.