Person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, “oh, you know, stuff.”

Person 1: hi i am tom… and you ? person 2: andrew ?

Person 1 : "Where was Hiroshima?" Person 2 "In Japan" Person 1 “No wonder! That’s why they never saw it coming.”

What do you call a person who’s got their wisdom tooth removed too late?


Leo: Mother, what is an idiot. Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn’t understand. Mother: Do you understand. Leo: No.

did you hear the one about the deaf person me: no thats because they caint hear so they dont talk

Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.

3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone’s breathing masks to laughing gas.

Whats a depressed persons favorite drink?

Depresso espresso

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.

Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?

Timmy is dead

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That’s means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

What’s a depressed person’s favorite drink? A depresso espresso.


It’s cyanide.

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my like a joke

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house? A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

Mary’s mother was a good person why did she die? -because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade

How do you help a constipated person?

U scare the shit out of them

Hi person reading this

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11? Person 2: No, but’ll probably crash and burn.