Perception jokes

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

So a blind man walks into a bar.

At least he thinks so.

What is blue but smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

Dark humor is like water.

Not everybody gets it.

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What is a blind person's favorite color?

Black.

Dark humor is like sex. Not everyone gets it.

I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.