Perception jokes

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?

Well, neither did she!

If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!

Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

What is a blind person's favorite color?

Black.

The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

Beauty is only skin deep... but ugly goes all the way to the bone!

A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"

The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"

Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...

There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."

What do you call a German that is blind? A not-see.

Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.