Perception jokes

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.

They call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me poor and ugly.

Yo mama so fat.

She is the reason why people think that the Earth is flat.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

The only thing they can see are their chopsticks.

Dark humor is like COVID-19... Not everyone gets it.

You're so short, you have to yell to talk to people!

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.

I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣

I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.