Perception jokes
Why do blind kids like plane crashes?
Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
So a blind man walks into a bar.
At least he thinks so.
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.
Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.
Kid 1: Aw, thanks!
Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Wanna see something dark?
Close your eyes.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!