Perception jokes

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

On a scale of 8 to 10, how good do I look?

Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.

I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

You're as useless as Stevie Wonder's eyes!

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

Yo mama so stupid that she sat on the TV and watched the couch.

We are in a matrix, wake up.

What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?

My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.

I am glass! People see right through me.

Why can’t the blind man find love?

It’s called love at first sight.