People jokes

How was copper wire invented?

Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.

Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.

Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”

Person #2: “No, you can have it.”

Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”

Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.

Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”

People say I should be proud of my autism, but truth be told, I'm only in it for the help in class.

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?

what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?

"Here Comes the Sun."

Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.

Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.

How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?

He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"

Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.

Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?

Because God doesn't punish someone twice.