People jokes
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?
Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.
Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
People have been killed.
People have been killed who?
The 9/11 victims.
Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.
What do people ask on a Friday night?
"Hey, wanna go to the Barb?"
Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
Bring out your weapons, people.
It's bullying time.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.
"Ohh wing wing."
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.