People jokes
I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.
I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.
People are still scratching their heads over it.
Fritz Cheng was asked to write three articles on the subject. He went to his grandmother and advised her: "Question: Kill people! I am sorry, Mr. Fritz, I am looking for his brother—what do you suggest?"
Brother: "I'm Superman. I am Superman!"
Fritz remembers entering the room. That's Alfredo's question in front of the TV: "Do you have any advice?"
Fritz tells a story from his school days. "Remember our words?" said Professor Fleck. "An artist? Is that true? Frison, who are you?"
"I am Superman. I'm Superman," he said. "I hope to meet the president."
What was racing through people's minds during 9/11?
Probably a plane. (:
Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.
What do you call a riot full of white people?
An avalanche.
A man walked into a bar and said, "What do you call a cum shot?"
The people running the bar said, "I don't know, nut."
The guy said, "Are you calling me a nut?"
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
Question:
Did you hear the one about MAGA people?
Answer:
It "sucks" just like they do!
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
Why do Chinese people never play baseball?
Because they always eat the bat.
Where do short people disappear on the first of December?
Santa's Workshop.
Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.
Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.
What do you call a romance movie for Down syndrome people? Chromeo and Juliet.
In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.
Why can’t American people play chess?
Because they lost their towers.
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.
Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."