People jokes

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?

People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!

What do gay people get for Christmas?

Discrimination.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?

Because they'll cause a car crash.

What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?

Dam fools.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

How was copper wire invented?

Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.

Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.

Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”

Person #2: “No, you can have it.”

Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”

Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.

Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

People say I should be proud of my autism, but truth be told, I'm only in it for the help in class.

I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

Here are some rules to make a good joke:

1: Don't say “my life.”

2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?

what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?

"Here Comes the Sun."

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.