So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: "so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down" and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I'm just fuckin with u she's DEAD!"
Doctor: I'm sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what's this behind your ear? Oh it's still cancer
I went for my routine check up last week and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
/Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" "To the morgue." "What? But I’m not dead yet!" "And we’re not there yet."
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam? The doctor take off his watch
Mother: How is my little cookie 🍪 doing?
Doctor 👩⚕️: Your cookie 🍪 is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor 👩⚕️: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
Doctor: you'll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?" Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor? The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the materinity ward was put on lockdown
In the hospital they need to keep the disabled patients rooms cooler than the other patients rooms. Why? They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today. Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow? Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you. Orphan: Why? Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this. But the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks "so you don't miss fried chicken."
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
