Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what's this behind your ear? Oh it's still cancer
I went for my routine check up last week and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
/Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" "To the morgue." "What? But I’m not dead yet!" "And we’re not there yet."
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Mother: How is my little cookie 🍪 doing?
Doctor 👩⚕️: Your cookie 🍪 is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor 👩⚕️: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patients mouth?
I C D K
You know what I see?
DICK :0
Doctor: you'll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?" Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today. Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow? Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you. Orphan: Why? Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks "so you don't miss fried chicken."
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink ... when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Woman: Doctor doctor I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
