Doctor: You should stop masturbating. Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
A Doctor walks into his office and look his paitent in the eyes "Sir you have to stop Jerking off." The Man ask "Why?" The Doctor then says "Because im trying to examin you."
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia? The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimers". The old guy replies "At least I've not got cancer".
imagine this senario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "you have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc" and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo"
why did go to the chiropractors? to get his spine fixed
Patient: doctor every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up what's wrong with me? Doctor: I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
Patient: where are you taking me, doctor? Doctor: the morgue Patient: hang on! I'm not dead yet! Doctor: and we're not there yet!
Let me just remove my finger from your bottom. Thank you nurse.
a doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to him self this is wrong but some doctors do it... he is a vet
You here about the roman numeral hospital
All they have is IVs!
a women wakes up in a hospital after a accident and yells "doctor doctor i cant feel my legs" and the doctor say "i know i amputated your arms"
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said “ Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.” The lady asks, “Am I pregnant? “. To which the Doctor replied “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol
Today, I operated on a little girl, she needed O- negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O- negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “so when will I die”? she thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
