What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?
Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.
What were the candles doing at a birthday party 🥳?
Getting lit.
What do old people have when they are sick.
A going away party.
Who hates going to a pizza party?
A weirdough.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
Shrek and the Hulk became politicians.
And they created The Green Party.
Why should you never talk to pie at a party? Because it goes on forever.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?
A jump rope!
Yesterday I went to a lightbulb party, and it was lit.
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
Gays are always welcome on my Redneck Party Bus. NOT!
There is gonna be a huge party at the orphanage tonight because the parents ain't home.
