Own jokes

Pencil

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Mama

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

Masturbation

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

Fish

Why is it easy to weigh fish?

Because they have their own scales! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Memes

Fish

Why is it easy to weigh a fish?

Because they have their own scales.

Mother

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Girlfriend

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

Plane

For all the planes who are flying alone, you're not dying on your own.

Depression

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

Mama

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.

But she so ugly people are repelled by her.

Mama

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

Money

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

Slavery

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

Cow

Why did the Texas cow own its own dachshund?

The cowboy told it to "get along little doggie."

Test

Why did C.S.C fail the Trig test? Cosecant remember his own name! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!