Own jokes
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
Yo forehead so large, it has its own gravitational pull.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"
"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Why did C.S.C fail the Trig test? Cosecant remember his own name! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.
How are feminists different from gorillas? At least gorillas don't abort their own children.
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
What restaurant does Africa own? M.T. Bellies.