One jokes

One time, I was making a caramel apple.

When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!

If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.

The kid just hangs there.

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.

Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.

What do orphans and apples have in common?

Only one gets picked.

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?

What in the Robot!?

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?

The condom was actually useful at one point.

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.

One word. Creeper.

How did pioneers name Canada?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"

That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

What did one canyon say to the other?

You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.