One jokes

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

What do orphans and apples have in common?

Only one gets picked.

"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."

The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.

One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.

What’s one food orphans can eat?

Homemade.

No one.

Why are priests called father?

I don’t know why.

Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.

What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?

What in the Robot!?

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.

I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.

What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?

The condom was actually useful at one point.

One word. Creeper.

How did pioneers name Canada?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"

That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

"My sister said she was the only smart one in the class."

"What about the teacher you learn *from*?"