One jokes

A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.

One was a salted peanut.

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?

Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.

The death toll went sky high.

The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.

I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.

Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

What's the difference between me and the rest of America?

I love one and hate the other.

Have you seen the Justin meme?

Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?

Just-in time for deez nuts.

Bruh.

But actually, it's a parody.

Wait, actually?

Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!