One jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.
The death toll went sky high.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.
He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"
The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."
The person says: "What's a dilo?"
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.