One jokes
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.
But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
This town ain't big enough for the one of you.
This year the London marathon was run on your hairline. It was so far back no one could complete it!
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.
I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."
An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.
The death toll went sky high.
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!
"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."
Love y'all so much!
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
There’s only one answer to who would win, 1996 Bulls or 2017 Warriors...
...Steve Kerr’s team.
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
McDonald's sweet chili chicken one.