One jokes

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

Why can't orphans be gay?

There's no one to call "daddy."

Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"

The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.

What did the one tower say to the other?

"Here comes the airplane!"

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?

They're the ones that make the toys.

You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

"We are Number one."

"Chelsea is the most consistent team.

One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.

If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅

I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because no one came back with any.

Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?

It was nut funny.

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!

"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."

Love y'all so much!

Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.