Occupation jokes
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
What kind of bus is yellow? A school bus driver.
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to GROW his fan base.
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?
Get a fucking job.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
So I went up to a crying kid and asked, "Where's your mommy?"
God, I love working at an orphanage.
What did the farmer who lost his tractor say?
*waits 25 seconds*
"I lost my tractor!"
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
Leave you answer in the comments. The answer will be revealed in 24 hours.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver!
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.