Occupation jokes
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?
A sea minor.
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
Why don't rappers ever make good chefs?
Because they always drop the beet!
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.
What is the biggest fear of firefighters?
Burnout at work.
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅