Observation jokes

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

I know where you live! I saw you before!

"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."

Ted stinks!

I was like, soon dude, Little Johnny is Big boobs.

Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.

There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.

Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.

"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"

Yo mama is so fat that people had to take pictures of her from space.

There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.

The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.