Observation jokes

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?

Do you think he saw us?

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."

Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I saw it through my telescope last night.

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.