Observation jokes
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
What is a threesome with 3 guys?
Gay sex and a witness.
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.
It's just true.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?
Do you think he saw us?
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?
Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.
Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Between you and me, something smells!"
Well, it really do be like it shouldn't, but it is.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
The bully: You're gay.
The nerd: I am.
The bully: Yeah.
The nerd: Then what are you?
I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”